Home is where your classes are..

I love my university. Honestly, truly, sincerely adore my institution of learning, Florida A&M University. Despite any and all adversities, FAMU and its students continue to rise above and beyond world expectation and do great things for themselves and others. Granted some people at FAMU are not my favorite but that's the same with any organization anywhere so I don't put too much stock in that.


 
 What does bother me is how out of place I feel when I walk along my campus. Its not my
freshman year and of course I've seen things come and go; new buildings, bigger shows, even new directors and deans. But it almost feels like there's a block in place; I can't reach my university like I used to. When I look around at its open spaces filled with trees and plagues and buildings proclaiming the history that I'm currently apart of all I can feel is a vague fascination, like its not really pertaining to me. As an engineering student, we are like the kids shipped off the boarding school; sent away to do something with yourself and benefit the overall prestige of the family without being underfoot all the time. And coming home after all that time is a culture shock. I know instinctively that this is my home, but the people, the sights, the feelings that were originally there seem to have diminished or faded into memory.Everything seemed so much brighter and different before, and I just feel so out of place of the day to day that all I want is to go back to my new home.

Its disconcerting to find yourself disconnected with anything much less a whole university. I mean, when I graduate my diploma will say Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University, my cap and gown will be in the school colors, and I'll stand with everyone else and sing the Alma Mater (If I remember it...Yikes) but all in all, is this my school? Do I feel the same way I did when I first walked onto the highest of seven hills? And an even bigger question, does my university feel the same way about me? I don't feel as appreciated as the business students, or journalism; I barely even get the same privileges and responsibilities. When I have  a problem I don't go to my university, I just wait on my college (mostly dominated by FSU) to handle it for me. Why do I have to have an FSU card to get into a college that's supposed to be 50/50? Why do I need an FSU ID and email? And where is my home university when people scratch off their name from the engineering sign or when the only places that you see our logo are bathrooms and cafeterias?


I think home can very well be where the heart is, but hearts can drift apart. I love my university, its people, and its history but maybe its not home anymore.